Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
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I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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