So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
