Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
