Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
