I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
