She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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