Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just gift wrapped bread.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
