In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
