So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
