I cannot find my penis.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
