Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
