I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
