He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
