first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
