I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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