ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Too much gin, very little bucket
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
