Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
