Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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