I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have aggressive nipples.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
