I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
