i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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