I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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