I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
