cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
