I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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