I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
