Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
