I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
