I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
