You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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