If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
