3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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