I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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