When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
