I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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