FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
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