let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
