White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
