This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
