I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
