i think my mom watched the whole time
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
