So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
