These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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