I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
