So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
