you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
