my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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