I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
