I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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