Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
