so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
