I wish my penis had an off switch
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
