WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
