'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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