I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
