If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
