you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
