Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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