margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
