somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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