It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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