Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize