Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
