Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just saw a hot homeless man
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
