Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
