your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
