just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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