I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
