No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
