Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
