So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
