My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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