kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
How external is "for external use only"?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
