She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
