C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
