I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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