how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
