turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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