TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
