I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
