She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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