KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
dude. I can hear the air.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
