I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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